The Verdict

Last Thursday the judge made a ruling on The Little Mister's future. I haven't said too much about it because, to be very honest, it makes me sad. It's not the answer I wanted to hear. It's not how I planned it.

In the car, The Munchkin said to me, "So, Mom. What happened? What's happening with him? Is he going to live with his dad or what?" I hadn't said anything to the kids yet. I wasn't even sure how. I took a deep breath, and said, "Well, the judge said he's going to live with his dad. Not yet, but in a couple of months. Probably in the summer."  Just as I finished the sentence, the Handsome Man threw his head back on his seat and said in a very firm but disappointed voice, "Darn it. I really wanted to adopt him, Mom." All I could say was, "Me too, buddy. Me too."

While I've been sad the past few days over the decision, that moment has been the worst part. I know God has a plan. I know that God is in control. I'm sad, but I know He provides the grace and comfort I need. But seeing my little boy so sad. That's a different story. Trusting God to take care of His heart seems harder.  I've felt like foster care is our calling as parents, and to see it be difficult for my children is far worse than any hurt it causes my heart.  But then God reminded me tonight that He understands exactly how I feel. He saw His Son hurt too. His ways and His love are greater than I can ever understand. He has a plan for The Little Mister and for our family. A good plan. The best plan.